| Friends Only |
[Jun. 20th, 2020|01:20 am] |
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If you are curious about my art and my creative writing projects,
check out my blog at daddyrhon.com
- or "friend" me on El Jay -
and I will most likely friend ya back if I know you
or we have friends in common.
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PS. If you are a member of my website Butch-Femme.com,
please respect that my personal journal
has NUTHIN' to do with our community site.
Here, I am just me.
Peace ~ Daddy Rhon
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| Thoughts about Daddy/Grrl |
[Feb. 6th, 2010|12:12 pm] |
Any kind of infantilism is totally taboo (edgy even within the BDSM community) so its hard to find folks willing to share their thoughts and experiences. HUGE differences between adult babies, diaper lovers, ageplayers, and Daddy/Grrl. I wonder why so many adult babies and diaper fetishists are men, but the majority of "littles" are female? Why is Daddy/Grrl so very prevalent in the Butch-Femme community? The psychology fascinates me, but its hard to find information or theory to even have a clear understanding of how others experience it. Most of the ageplay erotica doesn't capture the unspoken, based on stupid props or disturbing pedophilia. I called myself "Daddy" back when it was shocking to do so, and going on 15 years later its still almost illegal to talk about the dynamic any real way on the innernets.
I've always loved women who regress to a very sweet place when they feel cozy and loved, littles who at their most relaxed float in such an extreme vulnerability, allowing me to cradle them and adore them. Some women who have never been in that headspace naturally fall into with me, and soon I see this little personality merge, always at a certain age that becomes apparent in no time. Sometimes the girl within is a mess. If her adult will allow it, a good Daddy really can spoil her good, til her world is all sing-songy and pink and princess-y again. Sometimes the little girl is bratty as hell, and just wants that hieney reddened, a safe place to be precocious. (My ex-wife used to say i was a rock and she was a kite.) People assume all littles have some fucked up fusion from childhood abuse, but that's not always true. The Daddy/Grrl connection is all buzzy and intense in a peaceful, grounded but soaring sort of way... usually not sexual at all, at least for me and most of my lovers. If the emotional or physical closeness becomes arousing, it's been my experience that the little naturally and automatically slips into an age-appropriate adult headspace, although she might be five years old again in the snuggly afterglow.
It's very soothing to cradle another, and it brings me to a rib-stretching strength right from my center. I have learned I can't approach Daddy/Grrl in any casual way because it engages all of my heart, and a Daddy's heart is just as fragile as a little girl's. When you are in this relationship, together you share in the protectiveness around the younger identity. All imagined bruises and letdowns are amplified, but the trust and intimacy is DELICIOUSLY sweet. At its best, it is earnest vulnerability and submission. You are playing with dependence and the loss of control in a way void of humiliation or pain. Spanking is out of love, with a gentleness beyond fetish. Complicated as it is psychologically and emotionally, there is a certain literal simplicity to this kind of love, born of *utter* deliberate trust. YUM.
I think we all have varying states of arrested development within us, from limbic to adolescent. My 12 year old is a very strong personality, and its just been this year I have come to realize how often this scrappy raggamuffin steps up to the drive the bus. He is my survivor, and sometimes the most fierce part of my inner Daddy. The adult littles I have loved, and (and probably moreso becoming a real parent to M) led me to look my own lonely little five year old in the face. I finally embraced her broken heart, brought her up to my hip like I would any injured animal or orphan. I am her protector now, and I think that has made me a better Daddy the last few years. Why? Because then I better understood the precarious weight of absolute liability.
Anyone else? Thoughts? |
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| Being a grownup is kinda drowsy but nice |
[Feb. 1st, 2010|11:59 am] |
"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship."
~ Buddha
Just recently untangled the mess of Christmas lights in my heart.
Plugged 'em in...
They still work.
Sweeeeet. :)
No, no. Actually, I think love was more like good crystal I packed away, too fine, too fragile for my table during war time.
Feeling blessed and luxuriously glut with peace today. A little behind as always, and I will prolly post my new year recap in the spring when its time to water little shoots and seeds.
In the meantime, I am excited about my new job and learning the most boring technical shit imaginable. Digging out of a money place that was do-able but tighter than I prefer. You know how that $hit goes. I aint gonna jinx it by counting my spare change :P
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| The stupidity of youth is not a freekin sex crime! |
[Jan. 29th, 2010|08:17 am] |
Ridiculous to keep charging all these sexting kids with felony kiddie porn. One night after M borrowed my phone, I got an alarming text pic from some 12 year old that surely could have gotten me arrested. So I TALKED TO MY KID and let her know why that shit is not cool. Yes, they may be exploiting themselves, but isn't that their lesson to learn as they mature? An obvious consequence is one kid will show other kids your dumb nekkid ass. Better to learn that at 13 then at age 33 when you're in the middle of a nasty divorce.
1 in 3 girls is molested by age 15. Let's use our laws to target real monsters.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0128102text1.html |
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| Jotting a grocery list to the universe |
[Jan. 27th, 2010|11:27 am] |
Speaking these basic human needs into existence for my own private Eden.
- I need to be connected again to smart, passionate, creative people, other writers and artists.
- I need a new, ordered, somewhat secure purpose / platform / foundation that complements my dreams and values, allowing me to contribute to the richness of life.
- I need support (beyond you guys -- ya'll are great!), appreciation, respect, and community.
- I need $ecurity for my family.
Thank you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2010|10:51 am] |
Something kinda big is about to happen that might change my course. I just have a feeling.
Whether in small ways or grand ways, I know my creativity and my vulnerability are meant to bring love into the world.
But here's the blind spot of the survivor: the certainty that I am bulletproof, always so sure my back is a bridge and my limbs will grow back. I hope the future presents a kind path cuz I'm just getting too old to gamble scraping my soul. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2010|07:18 pm] |
One of the jewels of gay Dallas is nestled among the trees on Turtle Creek, a smallish community theater designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. That's where me and babygirl enjoyed the hell outta a raucous fundraiser/performance Saturday night --- a gender bender of Broadway show tunes and parodies. The seats at this historic venue are tiny, and my ex-wife and I used to have to sit in the back on regular chairs. About halfway through the performance, I realized... oh wow... I fit in the seats now. No problem. Sweet. :) Then our date commenced to the newest dyke hot spot. Blah same old. I really don't like to go to bars so much when I am in a relationship, but it was good to say hey to a few beer buds.
M got busted skipping class with a boy today. :( Grounded. Totally. I'm not really all that mad, but I do wish she would care about consequences. That's probably the most defiant thing she has done to date.
I was folding baby's favorite jacket in the laundry and thinkin' "Dang, I got underwear bigger'n this." It is troo that four or five beegees could fit in one of my shirts, which makes it even cuter when she steals my clothes. I call her "monkee" cuz she scratches at her sides when she's cozy. :) And the girl just smells so yummy. I forgive a prisspot anything the minute I smell her hair. I'm so glad she is in my life.
Scored some beautiful shrimp and I'm making a pot of gumbo for dinner. And also charbroiling a huge bag of very ripe red bell peppers I got on sale. Gonna make a roasted pepper soup tomorrow.
Almost a whole month tobacco-free~~ !!! |
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| test |
[Jan. 25th, 2010|01:10 am] |
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Really? I can post from my Droid with one button? |
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| let loose from the noose that's kept me hangin about |
[Jan. 21st, 2010|02:13 pm] |
First shot taken with my new Driod phone just now. Glad the camera is decent. Bye bye Blackberry. You sorry P.O.S.!
Kinda flat-lined a bit in the last few months.When you get the blues, two things you least feel like doing are getting some **exercise and being **social, but those are the two things that work better than any prescription. I lost all my friends after the divorce and really need to make some new ones.
So I had lunch yesterday with a potential new friend who had been scouting me also. :) She's special and smart, I hope we get to deepen our connection. This weekend I get to see an old Femme friend whom I adore, and be around my leather kin en masse. I also set up some free day pass tours for the whole family at a wonderful fitness center that has a heated indoor pool. Started my new job, too. A Feminist startup where management seems ridiculously disorganized not yet clearly defined, but I am looking forward to popping my knuckles and hunching over a symphony.Got my own dreams on hold for the moment, and need to breath this love into someone's balloon.
Still haven't smoked. BUT I AM RAVENOUSLY HUNGRY. It's awful. I don't mean like a simple oral habit where I could chew gum as a remedy. No, I mean like stabbing, distracting hunger pains every few hours. Some days I used to not eat til afternoon or evening. It's only 10:30 AM and I have already had a banana, about a half pound of sesame sticks and an energy bar dunked in peanut butter, and I am still fawkin hungry. I guess I am gonna gain all that weight back I shed in tears. I hadn't really been too concerned cuz I do eat so much lighter these days.
Last night I made the most moist salmon ever, marinated and glazed in citrus juice, brown sugar, and soy. Last week, I made a roasted vegetable stew that was as savory and hearty as any pot roast. I've learned some subtle complimentary tricks with liquid smoke, chili powder, cumin and the like to get those lingering low base notes in my vegetarian entrees. All about editing and balance, just like design, and lately cooking has been my creative outlet. The girls are appreciative when we all sit down for a decent family dinner together almost every night.
After babygirl crisped out her engine, we scored a Kia Rio with a squillion miles on it. So tiny you could wash it in the sink. She said, "Daddy, I'm worried because the engine makes a sound like a lawn mower." (Mmm. More like a weed eater.) Mia Cleo the Kia Rio... may she roll another squillion in her new life, safely totin' mah leggy redhead to Dot's Fashions and the old folk's home.
My mom was up to visit last weekend. Finally got the firepit on the deck roaring, oldies on the 'Pod, and a big bucket of iced beer. It was sweet having ample space again where she felt welcomed and comfortable. Mom shared the reasons she didn't vote for Obama, her thoughts about immigration and the Mexican border, yadda yaDA. I just chewed my gum. Love you, mama. I do.
The lil slacker vampire is doin alright, back on track and keepin up. Tonight is our night to hang out.
Hope all my friends are well. Sorry I have been so out of touch over the holidays. I was really moved and blessed when I checked my PO box and saw all the cards. Thank you for thinkin of us. Puttin' my dukes up again and 'bout to holla at all ya'll. And slumbering spring, I saw your eyelashes twittering. Wake up and kiss me with light.
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2010|12:34 pm] |
I don't care enough about botany to know which are dioecious.
To me, trees are female.
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 10th, 2010|04:30 pm] |
I won the bid for the online classroom project.... aaaaaaaaaaaand an initial 6 month retainer :) Thank you. Thank you.
Still not smoking. babygirl quit too, and she's trying to pretend like it's just my imagination that she is AGGRAVATED as heyull !!! hee hee
baby's lil' old jalopy up and died on the side of the road, but it had like 9 or 10 squillion miles on it. Somehow we gotta get her a used hooptie for work. That fawkin $uck$. But seriously? Without funding the demise of our own lungs with a tobacco habit, we can prolly scrape up a car note.
M's doin awright. We've been spending alot more time together. She's terribly lonely, and I am gonna try and get her involved with the kid's group at the GLBT center. Child needs some new friends.
(Me too.)
Got a pile of fresh veggies roasting for dinner and it smells divine.
Hope everyone had a good weekend. |
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| I got yer "research"... |
[Jan. 6th, 2010|11:18 am] |
Srsly???
On CNN today... The G Spot: Is It Real?
A women's sweet spot is not like the fawkin Tooth Fairy. Why don't ya'll dumbasses just call me and we can end this debate once and for all?
I remember in college a science professor telling me it is absolutely physically impossible for women to ejaculate.
I said, "Uhhhmmm. No diss intended, mister, but if you can't make a woman squirt, then you ain't doin' it right."
:P |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2010|10:45 am] |
I have really enjoyed the "10 year overview" recap posts people on LJ have been doing. Some of these folks I have known for a decade or more, and I remember important highlights and challenges along their journey. You just never know what life has in store while you are making plans. I figure as long as we help way more people than we hurt in this life, its all good.
I am very thoughtful about the new year myself, and feel compelled to write a fearless update about where my head and heart are. Maybe later.
Right now I have one hour to finish a project proposal to create an online classroom for a large writing site. Ironically, an old YouTube news story about the banning of a breast cancer portrait I painted led to the me writing this proposal. Hope I get the gig. There will be a monthly retainer for support, too.
Oddly enough. a YouTube video that brought babygirl into my life, also. Guess its been about a year since we made "us" official. I really, really tried to stay single cuz I damn well know I need to work on myself, but I have been surprised to find my baby gives me space to heal and grow.
PS I quit smoking this year. No going back on that decision.
PS I have also decided to be more grown up this year, but I reserve the right to change my mind or at least "redefine" that one. ;) |
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| Rhon's Vegetarian Chorizo and Potato Empanadas |
[Dec. 26th, 2009|09:30 am] |
My empanaditas came out soooo fawkin' good! Here's the recipe for my vegetarian friends who want something savory and spicy. Perfect for a potluck or party.
Rhon's Vegetarian Chorizo and Potato Empanadas
INGREDIENTS
Two packages of Pillsbury pie dough
1/2 package of soy chorizo
1 medium potato, boiled until almost tender and cubed kinda small
1/4 cup finely chopped red bell pepper
1/4 cup finely chopped green bell pepper
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
3 cloves of minced garlic
2 t. ground cumin
1/2 t. oregano
1 T. chili powder (optional: 3 alarm heat!)
Olive oil for saute
Salt and pepper to taste
1 beaten eaten egg white
PREPARATION
Cut each pie dough into 7 small circles. Saute the vegetables and garlic in olive oil until tender. Add spices and soyriso and saute for about 5 minutes, taking care not to mash the potatoes. Spread a tablespoon or so into each dough circle, brushing the edge of the dough with eggwash, and then folding over to seal into half-moons. Place empanadas on a greased cookie sheet and brush liberally with eggwash. Bake at 350 until brown, about 20 minutes. Makes 28 little empanadas.
I served mine with a yummy poblano cream sauce, but these little "meat" pies are so spicy, I think next time I would contrast with a cool cilantro cream sauce. A manchego or asiago cheese sauce would work, or simply sour cream with a little chili powder would be an easy compliment too. If you wanted to incorporate more veggies, add shredded carrot and a chopped tomato. Traditionally, some people also add raisins and nuts.
Let me know if you try it! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2009|09:26 am] |
We got our rare white Christmas, and it was beautiful. The bushy-haired little vampire got up at 4:30 AM, of course, dreaming of pie and presents. I let her open a few and then fell asleep on the couch with a book, all cozy with the Christmas tree lights. When babygirl got up, we took turns exchanging gifts. I *LOVE* being Santa, love finding treasures to wow, and love making packages way too pretty to open. I am used to getting nothing much for Christmas, though. (Having no real empathy, my-ex was just painfully horrible at gifts.) To my surprise and delight, baby did really good! Her joy is the exuberant kind, and I love my girl best when she is clapping and dancing around the kitchen.
We drove several towns away for a huge, magical ice sculpture installation. Scary! Wrecked and stranded cars were abandoned all up and down the grass off the side of freeways. We slid home on slurry and spent the rest of the day looking out at the winter wonderland from our steamy hot tub, playing with the waterproof cards I got baby for Christmas, acting silly as hell, eating soggy cookies and telling ghost stories once the moon came out. Both girls said it was the best Christmas they'd ever had.
Me too. :)
I felt loved and happy. A very sweet day with my lil' family. |
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| I'm wearing my FUGGLY right now!!! |
[Dec. 25th, 2009|10:28 am] |
Yeh. My mom got *everyone* in my family a sexayyy Snuggie for Christmas. Basically, it's like a way too long robe with no ass coverage. Definitely an outfit to honor abstinence. I think we should all wear our Snuggies to the movies and just stare blankly at the clueless who obviously don't know whassup with this modern technological miracle. |
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| Happy holidays! |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|04:22 pm] |
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We got a blanket of snow in Dallas! Meesha isn't as amazed as me and beegee. Meesha is making her really good mashed potatoes, and a chocolate peanut butter pie, and her most excellent iced tea. babygirl made green bean casserole and a pecan pie. I am whipping up ambrosia fruit salad with pecans, sweet potatoes with marshmallows and pecans, a cranberry-orange-pecan chutney... lol. Yeah, we have alot of pecans! Defrosting some of mom's dressing from Thanksgiving, and got a lil bit of turkey and ham and giblet gravy. All the presents are wrapped and our tree is so pretty. All clear glass and golds and whites. The girls are doing their nails cuz we are off to midnight mass later. Hope everyone I love is with someone they care about. Miss you all! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|10:57 am] |
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Meesha tries half-heartedly to entertain herself, but she really doesn't like to spend time alone, despite her lack of companionship. So she'll get into some random mess for about ten minutes or so, and then come to lean on my desk again and sigh yet again and ask what I am doing. As much as I love people, I AM an introvert and need alone time to re-energize. It's why I get up at a ridiculous hour. I know the time will come in a year or so where my kiddo won't want to spend time with me at all. So I am just going to shuck it all these next few weeks and plan some things that include my kid. To hell with it, yanno? I'll play catch up later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2009|09:42 am] |
Living in this wonderful house, sometimes it seems inexplicable money is still tight, you know, but our raggedy lil raft really is rawkin right steady these days. I manage to knock out every bill and still find creative ways to enrich our lives. I didn't sign up for any charity this holiday cuz we ain't "needy". But those dang Christians! Yesterday we were blessed with a decadent amount of food and gifts. It made me feel rich and thankful that people can be so kind this time of year.
M and I have helped out with Angel Food Ministries because they helped us out when we really needed it. So they gifted us with an enormous box of produce for Christmas, such a ridiculous abundance of fresh veggies and fruits, the icebox is stuffed as is the counter. And a big box of kiddie kibbles... like ramen, canned fruit, boxes of mac and cheese, cereals. (Excellent, cuz our little M can decimate like a locust while on break.)
Big Brothers/Big Sisters went ALL out and got M a huge shopping bag of really cool, thoughtful stuff. When I went to pick up her gifts yesterday, the director also handed me all their leftover gift cards from their shopping spree! $11 here and $7 there, but I had a good time surprise shopping all over town for random stocking stuffers while my girls were home baking cookies.
I came in with all my Santa packages yelling "No peeking!" Our tree was all lit up, Christmas music was playing, and my girls had made a gingerbread house together. So grateful not to be grounded over her grades, M had done her chore with no nagging and was feeling the family vibe. I sat at the sticky kitchen table with my artist brushes and made big-breasted floozies out of the gingerbread men.
Soaked in the hot tub later with my pretty babygirl, feeling lucky and luxurious, and then held her while we watched a Christmas movie. She told me her heart is healing. Those huge eyes of her's turn everything she says into a solemn swear. I think my heart might be healing, too. Such a gradual thing, although I wanted my survival to be some kind of victorious explosion every motherfucker could hear. baby fell asleep with her warm little behind nuzzled against my belly, furry little dogs sleeping in the crook of her knee.
In our house, we got three hurt people bumping elbows and hearts, trying to get the love we missed in ways that sometimes feels as scary as fate. Sometimes feels as right as rain. I do choose both these girls. And every now and then? Utter bliss at my house. :) |
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